this and more vicious self-owns, only in this incredible grass-toucher post (again)
I used to have irl friends but they all turned out to be horrible people or libs or whatever, I used to have leddit but leddit is fucking poisonous, I used to have discord servers and shit but I tend to pass into and out of discord groups with worrying ease, also I cant stop saying “another kkkracka down” at grampa’s funeral
now I have bear website and it’s the place I want to talk, what the fuck else even is there? where else would even tolerate me? any attempt to reach out and join communities or groups anywhere would probably result in critical psychic damage, also I still will not go into the queer center in town, what the fuck
bear website is the only spot where talking to people has a decent chance of not being a painful affair
hexagonal ursine webzone
going onto the bear site to tell everyone you are spending too much time on the bear site
Going onto the bear website to reaffirm my love and adoration for it being a space where talking to people isn:t a trial and being embarrassing isn’t the death of you
being embarrassing is just what we do here
Fucking based as hell
I see it this way: the bear website kept me relatively sane in my worst periods. If I only had reddit/twitter/fb/etc my brain would have turned to mush as I lost all hope in humans. It’s only because I still have some sanity left that I am now able to make a tentative attempt at making irl friends.
I do not use reddit/twitter/fb/etc, they are mind poisoners
Uncritical support to making irl friends
hexbear is generally nice to have, meanwhile the rest of the internet just feels very hostile. this website is probably the only place im social at to, since like in real life I have a lot of trouble speaking due to having trouble speaking/speech issues. and that is very isolating at times. also it just nice to just vent on here about stuff.
Real as fuck, I could have written this.
I feel you. I wonder to what degree posting here is just a bandaid for the fact that ive found out that my friends are almost reactionary without exception.
a large degree maybe
you are one of the bright posters who help balance out the sometimes painful lemmyverse. sorry to hear the alienation under capitalism is getting to be an acute problem. and that this den of libs is your best option right now. hope you stumble into some more social spaces that make you feel not just tolerated but appreciated.
You don’t mean that, you’re too nice. I love the libs here.
I browsed reddit until the api stuff, then I stopped.
I had all this wonderful free time I wasted until I found Lemmy and its various instances.
Now I waste time browsing lemmy
lemmit
I have Hexbear and some discord servers too. I dont move on from them easily like you but my friendships are entirly online. My irl freinds werent all garbage (though I will note, I am ok with being friends with a lib who’s not too obnoxious about it) but they either lapsed, or yeah they were garbage and I had to dfistance, but also there was my one big irl friend I had left that cut me off for some petty bullshit and yeah Im without real life connections entirly now.
The problem I keep having is that some form of trouble or drama sometimes follows me, (like when I got banned from one server for saying the thing) but more often than not my spaghetti just falls out of my pockets n I run away in shame =) Idrk the political views of the people I used to be friends with, (liberals probably but not offensively so) lost em before that could be a problem
form of trouble or drama sometimes
Do you have a lot of childhood trauma/a background with abuse? That shit can rewire our brains to seek that shit out because we are literaly more comfortable with conflict than with peace.
Maybe, Idk. Depends on what you qualify as trauma or abuse, I wouldn’t say so myself.
More often what happens is people see something I have said, decided I am malicious and take the absolute least charitable read humanly possible, deciding that’s what I said and I am a wrecker. Better than 50% chance they have decided I am evil when I’m having a horrific anxiety attack mental breakdown. Double bonus points if they decided that I am a transphobe, or ableist, for something I have said about my experience of being autistic ir trans.
When I got banned from that one server, I absolutely knew I was gonna, that’s whatever. More often than not it’s “That sounds hostile” “I am not being hostile” “You are being hostile and a wrecker and a criminal and an agent provocateur and I hate you forever begone from my sight” which is epic.
By “that one server” do you mean the /r/cth spinoff server that exists because I had similar experiences there of people taking uncharitable interpreations of my statements and ignoring that Im autistic.
Many such cases
Comforting to know that I’m not alone in that one lol I felt very isolated by that experience.
Nah you’re among people with similar experience. I’ve had people fabricate a ton of stuff out of nothing. I’ve been driven out of places and have people start on me because they misread what I’d said and such. There are countless ableist people online and IRL who will jump through many internalized hoops to demonize you just because of how you speak or for bringing up a topic that they do not like… Which has the added effect of them disliking you because of this head canon fabricated version. I would rather people tell me if I’ve upset them but I’ve found many will harbour hatred and bitterness which simmers then eventually will boil over, often them starting drama and such. This has happened more than a handful of times out of the blue for me as in I had no idea of this or they imagined I had bad feelings or such… I’m autistic, I’m very straight forward and what you see is what you get… Many people don’t understand this.
Absolutely not, instead the server was a sapphic book club and I got banned for prodding a french canadian for being french canadian :^)
I have learned that anything outside of hexbear is a mistake to engage in. Sorry the unofficial cth server has been shitty to you.
i think you should remain friends with people who don’t share your esoteric political views
Yes, and I haven’t let saying another kkkracka down ruin friendships yet, mine all got rekt other ways long before that was possible!
could have written this post myself, every word of this is true for me, too
I occasionally try to hang out with my cool neighbors, but it doesn’t work out often, and I still end up with post-hang anxiety
been kinda wondering if maybe there’s an OCD component to my thought processes that’s getting in the way here, but idk where to even begin to try to deal with that and just don’t have the fucks for it currently
anyway - ✨ solitude solidarity ✨ - you’ve got us, we’ve got you ❤️
Gang
Dang I wish I had cool neighbours, my condolences that hanging out doesn’t work though…
OCD, you think so? Hmm…Solitude solidarity, ty, I love bearsite
re: OCD, some podcaster or YouTuber I was listening to who is diagnosed mentioned that theirs primarily presents as social obsession, and described many things I strongly related to (including having “hangxiety” for days after every social function, not just drunken ones), so I did some searching and read some firsthand stuff on Reddit, and yeah.
I wonder if this is another situation where I am doing something and I think everybody else does this too and just handles it better. Like, I know over-analyzing and extended processing are both autistic traits, but I am beginning to wonder if maybe mine is cranked up to 11 and everyone else is cruising around 5-7.
The hangxiety thing was just one part of it, there were other obsessive thought patterns I related to, physical symptoms I share, and some checking behaviors that I’m also doing. It was a lot to unpack, but I don’t have time for that right now, so I stuffed that box in the corner. 😂
I would NEVER socially obsess or over-analyse for extended periods, I would NEVER sit staring at individual messages or thinking about single sentences for… hours, days… 
Real world is extremely hostile to my continued existence on many axes. Here there is only a coin flip chance one will be, usually.
I have a small.social network but it would definitely not meet my human interaction needs without the website here. I don’t know of any other places on thr internet with anything like this quality of vibe so it would be a serious blow for my mental health to lose it for sure.
I kinda wish there were more…
My friends seemed alright, but then I continued to be covid cautious
I’m in my 40s, I have zero friends and haven’t had any for over 30 years. Acquaintances come and go but no long lasting friendships. It usually ends up a disaster any time I have put myself out there to have people outright ignore or avoid me so I stopped and don’t plan or try anymore. I have social anxiety enough it can affect me online in that I go months lurking and talking to nobody. I sit and read conversations to sate any kind of interaction. I doubt anything can change at this point and I’ve lost all will to anymore.
- Waow that’s so relatable, it’s almost like we’re married or something
Acquaintances do be coming and going, I’ve passed through like nine or ten different social circles in seven or eight years…
Too real
I had some social life during school with my gf, but we broke up and school ended, and now I just have my family (and they’re annoying) and online commies. I also move through online spaces, including getting banned from a discord of people I know irl for saying death to “amerikkka.” There’s got to be lonely people in the real world, right? It seems like everyone’s either siloed into their friend groups or given up and terminally online. Someone out there has to be interested in my philosophical ranting, right?- only irl friends I ever had were introduced to me by my ex lol
also getting banned from discords for saying anti imperialist catchphrases is based…
There are tons, shamefully somebody actually tried talking to me a year or two ago irl, for the queer pins on my hat, I went into fight-or-flight and ran away… sorry random gay
I had friends years ago, but recently all of them were more from my ex.
More accurately, I posted a ton of commie memes, and then got banned for posting hilarious 9/11 memes and defending them. Then I successfully appealed and got banned on October 7 because the mod was a liberal Zionist who didn’t want me saying based stuff related. I actually got into an argument with my ex over that because no one’s allowed to criticize their friends.
Uh is it bad if I say “good riddance”? Cause y’know =)
I still hope to be friends with them, but that’s definitely an aspect I don’t vibe with. I thought about appealing my ban much later, getting socially desperate, but honestly there’s not much to miss.
Many such cases when banned by libs…
yeah same. I also used to have IRL friends, except they basically became online friends due to everyone moving. they aren’t all bad but one guy is so bad I left the whole group a couple years back and haven’t had friends since
