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Things I’ve learned since going vegan
- You can slice someone’s throat and still love them.
- The word “need” can also mean “could easily live without but do kinda want”.
- The word “humane” can mean literally anything you want it to.
- It’s ok to call people out for harmful behaviour unless that behaviour involves bacon.
- Plants definitely feel pain and lawns scream when you mow them.
- Crop workers are exploited but slaughterhouse workers definitely aren’t. No exploitation here, no sir.
- Meat is the only food that contains protein.
- “Found the vegan” is still funny and original the millionth time.
- Before humans came along, cows were just wandering around with massive udders praying for someone to invent industrialised agriculture.
- Steak is cheaper than beans, rice, pasta, and canned vegetables.
- While 99% of all meat comes from factory farms, no one eats that meat.
- Everyone only buys local, organic, humane, Dalai Lama approved meat.
- Everyone has an uncle who owns a farm straight out of a 1950’s Americana magazine
- Everyone has a degree in nutrition and evolutionary biology.
- Everyone knows that one guy who went vegan and almost died.
- Everyone is free to talk about their identity, beliefs and interests without being shamed for them. Unless they’re vegan. Vegans can fuck off.
I grew up in a hunting environment and just never got into it. I also never liked things like steak, fried chicken, or other foods which are essentially a slab of dead animal. Eating something like a steak where you’re confronted with the fact it’s ONLY an animal was a lot more uncomfortable than something like a hamburger. And I never cooked meat myself as an adult because the thought of the blood and handling it were out of the question.
I wish I’d realized it sooner. When I finally went vegan it was at a very difficult time in my life. I’d been working crazy long hours, and one night I was eating a sad frozen lasagna that had far too much beef. It kept getting stuck in my teeth and I started thinking about the cow’s life and how miserable I felt, but once I thought about how infinitely worse that cow’s life must’ve been I just couldn’t take it anymore.