1. Aliens: Because who needs a pet that can teleport away with your food, communicate with you solely through interpretive dance, and has a home planet to return to (with your car keys and favorite socks)? Not to mention the intergalactic paperwork and visa issues!

(Also, imagine trying to explain to your neighbors why there’s a UFO parked on your lawn… “Oh, it’s just my pet Zorvath, don’t mind the probing lights!”)

2. Rhino: A pet that can charge through your living room wall, snort snot rockets onto your favorite rug, and eats more than a Costco shopping cart can hold is less than ideal. Not to mention the horn-related holes in your drywall you gotta explain to your landlord. Oh and the constant need for hoof trimming appointments! And good luck fitting them into a cute little pet carrier for vet visits… “Uh, I think I’ll just need a forklift and a crane, thanks!”

3. Cassowary: Basically a mini t-rex (might be a pro idk). Large, loud and loves to kick (A lot like your aunt after a few drinks at ebery family gathering). A temper worse than your teenager while sharing the same hairstyle. Don’t forget the potty training requiring a firhose and a sacrificial lawn.

4. Giraffe: Might get its neck stuck in your chimney which would be a hassle. Constant ceiling damage. And the annoying ‘who ate the last acacia tree’ arguments are gonna get annoying real quick. Might need a second mortgage to finance his appetite.

5. Brazilian Wandering Spider: Who needs a pet that’s more likely to wander onto your face while you sleep, has a venomous bite that’ll make you wish for a peaceful death, and has a habit of hiding in your shoes like a tiny, toxic landmine? Imagine the terror of finding them in your breakfast cereal. Impossible to snuggle too.