How am I supposed to get emotionally attached to someone when I’m having a borderline one-sided conversation. The People you meet on those apps are not interested in carrying the conversation and it’s just mentally exhausting.
They don’t provide any kind of hook that I can respond to.
My recommendation: don’t have (nor expect) conversations. I’ve been on many dates (high double digits, or more) and I have not once had someone I’ve met in person resemble what I would have guessed they were like from a dating profile, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. Attitude, energy, chemistry, ambition, positivity, respect, confidence, grace, social skills, an attractive voice, etc – none of that is going to come across through text.
The goal should be meeting up in person and figuring it out on the fly. I usually send one message involving something along the lines of “hello <name>, hope you’re having a great week”, maybe add a detail about their profile that I found genuinely interesting, and then I immediately send a follow up message along the lines of “Text isn’t my forte, so I’d love to get together sometime this week and get to know each other over drinks – unless, of course, you love playing <app-name>-tag :) Shoot me your number and let’s make plans”
If my match isn’t comfortable with sharing their number, I propose we meet up for drinks and we can exchange numbers later. If my match objects to meeting so soon (this is maybe 1 in 30 matches or so) I tell them that I understand, but I also let them know (kindly and respectfully) that this probably tells me that we aren’t compatible, and then unmatch with them. Everyone else either has no qualms with my approach, or explicitly states that they really appreciated my forwardness.
Spare yourself and your matches the inherently boring small talk, and jump straight to meeting in person. Everyone wins.
I dealt with that stuff too. I would try a couple times and if it goes that way, just un match. Do it for yourself, you are worth finding someone that is legitimately interested in you. Just have to go through some that are not a long the way
How am I supposed to get emotionally attached to someone when I’m having a borderline one-sided conversation. The People you meet on those apps are not interested in carrying the conversation and it’s just mentally exhausting.
They don’t provide any kind of hook that I can respond to.
My recommendation: don’t have (nor expect) conversations. I’ve been on many dates (high double digits, or more) and I have not once had someone I’ve met in person resemble what I would have guessed they were like from a dating profile, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. Attitude, energy, chemistry, ambition, positivity, respect, confidence, grace, social skills, an attractive voice, etc – none of that is going to come across through text.
The goal should be meeting up in person and figuring it out on the fly. I usually send one message involving something along the lines of “hello <name>, hope you’re having a great week”, maybe add a detail about their profile that I found genuinely interesting, and then I immediately send a follow up message along the lines of “Text isn’t my forte, so I’d love to get together sometime this week and get to know each other over drinks – unless, of course, you love playing <app-name>-tag :) Shoot me your number and let’s make plans”
If my match isn’t comfortable with sharing their number, I propose we meet up for drinks and we can exchange numbers later. If my match objects to meeting so soon (this is maybe 1 in 30 matches or so) I tell them that I understand, but I also let them know (kindly and respectfully) that this probably tells me that we aren’t compatible, and then unmatch with them. Everyone else either has no qualms with my approach, or explicitly states that they really appreciated my forwardness.
Spare yourself and your matches the inherently boring small talk, and jump straight to meeting in person. Everyone wins.
I dealt with that stuff too. I would try a couple times and if it goes that way, just un match. Do it for yourself, you are worth finding someone that is legitimately interested in you. Just have to go through some that are not a long the way