I need to tell my fentanyl story, because it is destroying me right now. I am over 2 years clean of fentanyl, and am still paying the price every day for my choices. I fucking hate these ultra potent presses going around. They stole me from me.
My opiate story started with clean morphine. I’ve always had a strong preference towards clean opiates because they just feel way better. I was getting a great deal on them, a little too great. My back would hurt from dishwashing, so I’d come home and snort half a morphine capsule. Snort way more on the weekends, but low dose most days. I did this everyday for about a month. Until one day I woke up and found that I was going through withdrawals because I had ran out. My dealer was out. Here comes fentanyl into the story. I used that for about a month and had my life totally derailed. Maxed out credit cards, selling stuff, the works. I got off it fairly quickly because of how bad it derailed my life.
My issues come in when I relapsed. The first time I relapsed, I was being stupid and suicidal, but got clean stuff so one narcan brought me back like nothing. It gave me a false sense of confidence. A few months later, I relapse again, except this time instead of a whole cocktail of downers, it was half a fentanyl press. Snorted it, and was almost immediately gone. I started seeing what I think is a near death experience during it. I was really fucked. 4 narcans didn’t bring me back, CPR did. And after that, things were never the same. Every mental issue I had became worse. I was having issues with schizophrenia beforehand but that’s what turned it into a hellish nightmare.
Last night, my partner of 5 years broke up with me because the decline caused by that fent overdose has rotted our relationship. I am so dissociated and checked out all the time that I haven’t been able to be as loving of a partner as I should have. I started getting help a few months ago but getting help for schizophrenia and traumatic brain injuries is a slow process and she’s been patient for a very long time. Right now we’re both essentially having a grieving session for the person that died the night I overdosed. My body came back up, my lungs were taking in air again, my eyes could see again, but a massive part of Leyla died in those 10 minutes. 2 or 3 years later, I am still just praying that I can get even close to how I used to be.
Fentanyl took me from me permanently. I cannot understate how dangerous and disgusting this shit is. And dying like that makes the cravings 10x worse when you get brought back! Seriously y’all, if y’all aren’t already hooked on it, avoid this shit like the plague
My best friend relapsed recently but We got him through it thankfully without any overdose stories. He tried to go back to the sle he was in but he couldn’t afford it so I just lied for like a month straight to cover for him at work.
But yeah I have watched that shit and meth destroy so many of my friends and family. I hope things get better for you comrade.
I’ve had substance abuse issues too so if you ever need a sympathetic ear I am here for you.
Fent is a stupid expensive habit. I got off because I was tripping on shrooms and the guilt of not being able to get anybody around me a Christmas gift, not even small stuff, because I spent absolutely all of my money on fent. I started tapering the next day and got completely clean a few weeks later. I’m glad his relapse wasn’t an OD, because relapses are the perfect time to OD. And having a true fent patch overdose changes you forever, not breathing for that long causes brain damage. Can even cause strokes. There are many drugs people should never touch, but fent/super potent opiates are the absolute worst.
I appreciate it. Nowadays my only real issue is liquor. It’s an issue, but I have it to a point where I’m only drinking like once a week and trying to make it 0. Outpatient has been helpful, but I do need to talk to more people
Funny enough we took some acid with another friend of ours and he quit fent the next day.