ACTOR, “comedian”, known to have dated a 15 year old girl inviting her to the Emmy’s in 1996 when he was 39, Director, writer, and star of cult animated classic “The Bee Movie”, and devout Zionist Jerry Seinfeld has been CAPTURED by Hamas during his stay in the occupied territories. The alleged comedian was promoting his feature length advertisement “Pop Tart” to Israeli crowds whilst also bolstering support for the fascist regime. Hamas captured Seinfeld at 3 in the morning, we know this because Hamas has allowed Jerry stay in contact with his manager who relays information to the press. “They are feeding me nothing but honey” the alleged comedian said, “Mick (Jerry’s manager) they want me to rewrite that stupid f*cking movie. If I don’t I am a dead man.” It is unknown whether or not Seinfeld is trying to make light of his situation by making a joke, but his talents in comedy are severely lacking so he must be telling the truth. Seinfeld says he is uninjured but is deeply concerned for his health as the only sustenance he receives is honey, he says Hamas want him on a honey only diet so he can “become a bee.” Jerry also said they play buzzing sounds through a speaker and have provided him with a laptop with final draft preinstalled. It is unknown how much time Seinfeld has to rewrite the script, but his manager also says he is being forced to learn to write in Arabic.

Best wishes Jerry