Loitering. It’s a word that has a negative connotation, but that describes a blissful state. This piece made me think about how few outlets there are left in the world for people to simply exist, without either producing or consuming something. The erosion of the “commons” is perhaps a discussion for another time, but presents a real problem. When I need to wait around downtown for something, the only places I may do so without paying are either small public parks — where police come and run me off after an hour — or the library.
I submitted another piece recently about “scheduled boredom.” I think that for a lot of people that is a radical idea — we have become so accustomed to doing something either productive or consumptive even in our free time that the idea of just existing seems absurd. But this was the default state for me as a child. So much happiness came out of those times just sitting around and playing make-believe, chatting, or braiding wildflowers.
Like the author, I have been trying to carve out more moments that others might deem “loitering” in my life lately. And while my happy moments might be looked at jealously by passersby, or met with the refrain of “don’t you have somewhere to be?”, I can say that those moments are definitely bringing peace to my life.
That was one thing that really struck me on my trips overseas (Peru & Vietnam). There was public space everyone could use to just sit, to meet up with friends etc. I spent a lot of time just sitting and watching how everyday life unfolded around me.
At home (Australia) there are very few public spaces you are allowed to stay in without paying. Even public parks tend to be built on the assumption people will mostly just pass through, there are not many places to sit (and most of the seats are for parents around playgrounds) We meet up in coffee shops and restaurants where we are expected to buy things to pay for the privledge. Instead of visiting in each other’s homes we go out and pay for meals and entertainment. If we do invite people to our house it is generally somewhat competitive - showing off how great our house is, how amazing the meal we provide is etc.
I do manage to carve out some space for myself, although much of it is wandering the neighbourhood with the dog rather than loitering in one spot. But it is almost impossible to do the same with others. The type of relationships that are formed from long lazy conversations doing nothing much have been surplanted by the superficial conections of shared activities. The focus is not on each other any more, it is on the activities done and meals eaten. I really yearn for a few deeper connections, but what I am finding is just expensive meetups to compare notes on what everyone else has watched and eaten.
I heard an interesting anecdote about Australia in particular: the country was actually designed to not have public spaces! Something to do with its origins as a penal colony and the jailers not wanting people to be able to assemble. Much of the world has faced an erosion of the commons, but much of it also never had it (at least of course since the land was stolen and colonized.)
I really feel this. A friend group I used to spend time with a few years ago was like this: basically only meeting up for dinner at a restaurant, and rarely talking about anything of substance. It’s a very superficial sort of socializing, which I suppose is good enough for a lot of people, but if it’s all you have I can definitely see how it would leave a feeling of lack of connection. I’ve been very thankful for the sort of “digital commons” that my friend group has created. We can’t always get together physically due to schedules and distance, so we made a kind of drop-in community centre online where people can camp in a voice channel if they’re up for talking. There are people dropping in and out throughout the day, and we often have long conversations in the evenings. The lack of scheduling and pretext for the hangout definitely leads to a lot of interesting conversations!