Some years ago, I was walking with my GF through the supermarket, we were looking at the sweets section, right at the end of the isle, when I let a very stinky fart go. I learned over and said we should go.

We walked to long way so we didn’t have to walk through the cloud, 30-40s later, just after we had rounded the far end of the isle we heard:

Female voice: “oh my god, was that you! That is discussing” (loudly) Male voice: “no, it wasn’t me”
Female voice: “why are you lying to me, you are always lying to me!” (Angrily)
Male voice: “but it wasn’t me” (also angry)

I think I may have put the final nail in the coffin of a bad relationship with a fart

My partner and I still laugh about it 16 years later.

In 2005 my family went to Disney world. At the hotel we stayed at there was a buffet. Every morning we would get the breakfast buffet and every morning my plate would be filled with scrambled eggs. For 2 weeks my diet was in large part just eggs. On the day we go home I start feeling gassy. I got the walking fartz real bad and they are foul. While getting on to the plane I let one out in first class and the old lady next to me looked like she was gonna throw up. If it had been a longer flight I may have been banned from flying

My family of 5 had just arrived at the gate at LAX and my three kids were in the row ahead of us. The plane was fairly quiet, my 4 year old daughter loudly farts and announces to the plane “I TOOTED!” 🤣

A friend of mine and I were chilling in his car and listening to music.

At some point we both farted silently at the same time, but without knowing the other one farted too. It smelled horrible… like 2 disgusting farts mixing together.

The funny part is, as silly as we were then, we both also inhaled deeply, kind of to brag about “our” accomplishment… we then looked at each other confused, like “why the hell did you just inhale my fart?” …

he then went like “wait, did you just fart?” … “uhm yes… did you too?” … “yes!” … “OMG! urghhh… open the window!”

For my buddy’s bachelor party, we ended up at a dive bar in the early afternoon. He was having a legendary bout of gas this weekend, and he loosed one in this dive bar. It was so bad one of the bartenders came out from behind the bar and opened both doors while complaining about the smell. Seeing daylight inside a dive bar is truly a unique experience.

I saw The Rise of Skywalker in theaters, and someone must’ve prayed to Crepitus the previous night because I thank farting at the most fitting times in the audience for making it slightly tolerable.

It was the Halloween boogie 1999 at Skydive Greene County in Xenia, OH. We were jumping a CASA 212’ which at the time was the largest jump ship in the US. It was Sunday morning, first load of the day and I was sitting up by the cockpit. The previous night was filled by a party and a ton of beer.

At about 9000 feet my bowels started rumbling, at 10k I released. All 30 people on the plane started gagging. The pilots opened the rear door to air out the cabin. As any pilot will tell you, a fart at altitude is a dangerous thing.

The Drop Zone Owner warned us that if he catches the culprit, that person would receive a permanent ban from the DZ.

I was suspected, as were a couple of people that had been sitting near me, as that part of the plane is where the smell was most intense. But no one fessed up.

I jumped there for another 7 years.

Please don’t link to Reddit. We need to leave it behind.

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