I do, most of the time. I’ve always felt creative, I always have thousands of ideas and concepts for anything, be it a drawing, a song or a text of any kind, but regardless of what it is, anytime I sit down and try to make something I hate it, I hate it so deeply it disgusts me and kills any will to continue whatever it is I’m doing.

I tried to write some lyrics some days ago, it felt okay-ish until I wnt back and read it, at which point it feelt as if I was seeing someone else in the mirror: all the things, the ideas, the feelings I thought I put in it just aren’t there. It feels hollow, alien, repulsive.

I know I can’t be good as a beginner, but I’ve been a beginner in everything since I was a kid. And I kept trying and trying and trying, and every time I felt that feeling of disgust and repulsion, outrage even. I just can’t stand it anymore, and maybe “art”, or rather artistic self-expression, isn’t my thing? Maybe I keep trying to open a door that simply isn’t the one I’m supposed to open?

Did you ever feel this way and overcame it? I don’t even care about making whatever I make public, I just want to feel as if I gave shape to something I thought or felt.

  • itsAsin
    1·
    1 year ago

    i earned a degree in Songwriting 25 years ago. i always thought that i was creating something authentic, but others listening to my work never seemed to be able to hear it properly.

    only about five years ago did i realize that i had always been intentionally (but subconsciously) pushing listeners away… obscuring my music such that i was the only person that could ever appreciate it. i wanted people to love me for beating them over the head.

    my point is that you might want to explore the reasons why you are making awful things? do you want to make awful things? awful things have a place, too.

    also, i feel like emphasizing to you the importance of TOOLS! you are only, ever, as good as the tools you are using.