I’m 24 and dealing with high blood pressure. I’ve seen five doctors, had countless tests, and they all say the same thing: “Take these pills and try to reduce pressure in your life.” It’s as though my blood pressure and heart rate have minds of their own, fluctuating freely without any reason.

For the past six months, I’ve felt like I’m on borrowed time. Every morning, I gulp down my pills, hoping I won’t have a stroke or end up disabled. Once, I dared to think I was better and skipped my meds for two days. Unfortunately, on day three, my blood pressure shot up over 150, bringing me crashing back to reality.

I’m not an nihilist, I’m the opposite of that. But facing my own mortality every second of life has hit me hard. Maybe I’m just like a “24 years old kid” tasting life’s bitterness for the first time. I hate to compare myself with others, but seeing friends partying, doing drugs, and sipping coffee just makes me hate this fate of mine even more.

I’m an artist, I studied music and wrote lots of songs (only keep them for myself, not trying to be a celebrity or anything like that…), and music has always been my escape. Lately, though, my songs have been pretty dark.

I’m sharing my story not for sympathy, but to connect with anyone else who’s going through a same journey in their life. If you’ve been there and made it out, please tell me how you did it. Any advice, hobby, or habit would help! And if you’re still stuck in the trenches like me, just know you’re not alone.

P/S: This post has been improved by ChatGPT since I’m not confident in my English.

  • Thrillhouse@lemmy.world
    15·
    7 months ago

    You just gotta try to hang on. Life as you get older is a total question of wtf is going to happen next.

    I’m in one of those cycles.

    1. Covid
    2. Walked in on my dad almost dead from undiagnosed cancer and my childhood home trashed because everything fell apart when he was looking after my mom who has early onset dementia
    3. 2 weeks later my dad dies & I am visiting the hospital during the height of Covid. My mom has to live in the hospital and doesn’t know who I am anymore. She doesn’t know her husband died.
    4. Cancer scare. I think it will be fine? They’re still testing.
    5. Husband lost his job. I am the only breadwinner.
    6. Sister in abusive relationship with a severely mentally unstable husband who is spending all of their money. I fear every day he is going to kill her and their kids. She can’t kick him out of the house because he is on disability and can’t afford his own place.
    7. Substantial changes at my job leading to feelings of mega insecurity for me.

    Oh yeah and my mom isn’t even dead yet!

    But I’ve also had some really great experiences during this time that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

    If psychedelics are safe for you and you have no history of mental illness in your family I would strongly suggest that.

    • Maeve@kbin.social
      8·
      7 months ago

      Jesus! Please accept my virtual hug? I’m really proud of you, how strong you are to be going through all that and have such a healthy outlook. I’m so glad you shared, setting an example for all of us, myself included.

      Wrt sister’s husband… That’s not her problem. But if she’s concerned fur everyone involved, maybe subsidized housing is a possibility? Maybe with minor children, she’s able to get free or low-cost legal counseling? I know you didn’t ask for my advice, I’m sorry if I was out of bounds. Thank you again for showing us the power of grace, gratitude and humility. You knock it out of the park.

      • Thrillhouse@lemmy.world
        6·
        7 months ago

        Everyone has their stuff and their time to go through it.

        Looking at what others are enduring too helps for inspiration and strength - frig someone I know has a parent dying of ALS and doesn’t even show it in their day to day. That’s a rough situation, they’re in their early 30s like me and they’re handing it with so much grace.

        Someone else I know, late 20s, just severely injured themselves in a foreign country to the point where they are in a medically induced coma and may never walk again. The medical bills are going to be at least $100k to evacuate them out, and they can’t leave the country until it’s paid. That’s awful for them and their family.

        I wouldn’t trade either of these situations for my own.

        I’m not saying OP should look down on people who have it worse or that they can’t be mad/sad with their current situation. Just that hearing others’ stories can help with the strength to move forward.

        In terms of my sis, one of the greatest lessons in life I’ve learned is that you can’t make another adult do anything even when it really is the best thing for them. I think there’s a strong criminal harassment case but she’s gotta get there - I just have to support her until she does. This gets him out of the house, makes it safer for her, and then they can divide assets. She’s trying to deal with him rationally and keep harmony but it hasn’t sunk in that no matter what she does it will boost the tension and she’s just gotta rip the band aid off in the smartest and safest way. In divorce law, it can be used against you if you “abandon the home” and their home has tons of equity so she can’t go anywhere. And any subsidized housing for him is several years’ wait. Hard to convince a mentally ill person who needs treatment of that when he flip flops between his new GF, breaking up with his new GF, can him and my sister get back together, wait no my sister is the devil and me and her are both cheating on our husbands (lol not cheating in her case because they’re separated), emailing my husband these lies and then in a separate email admitting they are lies, believing her birth control IUD is actually an abortion and she’s a baby killer, then wait no GF and him are back together.

        • LSNLDN@slrpnk.net
          1·
          7 months ago

          Fuuuucking hell. Sending you positive energy. You’re right that reading others trials and tribulations really helps put one’s own shit into perspective. And there’s always so many people having a worse time of it especially right in the world. Thank you for sharing your experience and I hope it gets much better for you soon

    • Khiêm Từ@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      2·
      7 months ago

      You’re 100000 times stronger than most people I know, including myself. I’m so sorry for all you’ve had to endure. It’s strange how hearing about others’ struggles can sometimes make us feel better, but it truly does.