23 April, Juche 113, DPRS -

Ministry of Culture officials issued a statement today regarding a controversial billboard which has appeared many places around Sashatown. The billboard threatened internal enemies of the state, from reactionaries to 5th columnists to NATO spies, with a helpful reminder that no weapon against General Secretary Sasha Bear will succeed. This warning was not specific or severe enough. It caused confusion amongst loyal citizens who feared they might be the target of the billboards appearing outside of their homes and workplaces, possibly sparking a visit from the Ministry of State Security.

To alleviate confusion, today the billboards have been replaced with an announcement for a Mandatory Cinco de Mayo celebration on 4 May. All residents of Sashatown must visit a Ministry of State Security office before that day to RSVP and be interviewed for safety concerns. Cinco de Mayo is a yearly celebration held on 5 May to celebrate Mexico’s victory over the Second French Empire at the Battle of Puebla in 1862, led by General Ignacio Zaragoza.

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