Spez: “What if I promote you and all your friends, can you guys stay on top of this for a while?” Spez-ssistant: “I just got an email from CircleJerk Securities, it says they are pulling out of the IPO!”

You forgot the part where Spez-sisstant says “but if we exercise that much direct editorial control, we’ll fall afoul of Section 230 and lose our DMCA safe harbor.”

(But then again, I’m probably giving too much credit to Spez-sisstant.)