I had my first appointment today with a new provider - a nurse practitioner - at the third practice I’ve tried since getting diagnosed with ADHD in January. I’m kinda reeling from it, and I’m trying to make sense of my feelings, because idk if I’m just sensitive because I’m unmedicated for the third day in a row (didn’t know if I’d get a refill today, trying to conserve what I had) or if it’s a bad fit or if it’s just new provider weirdness or what.
Brief history - first provider was through an online practice, couldn’t get the Rx filled. Second provider was local, was a truly wonderful fit with fantastic rapport, but she was starting a new practice and ran into problems with state rules regarding prescribing and had to transfer my care back to the online practice. Third provider, again through the online practice, was very perfunctory and disinterested, gave a refill but needed an in-person referral to continue due to federal rules regarding prescribing, so I transferred to this third practice.
The nurse practitioner I saw today was mostly kind but asked a couple questions that hurt my feelings but probably shouldn’t have - “Are you always like this??” at one point 😂🤦😭 yes, yes I am - and seemed disinterested anytime I got very deep into any elaboration. I figured out once I got home that he had already viewed the big huge document I shared outlining my symptoms/experience and why I was seeking help, so that’s why he seemed impatient with my blathering, though I do wish he had come out and just said that.
Idk what I’m looking for. Experiences, commiseration, validation, anything vaguely resembling relating to any of this - I’m feeling like a real weirdo right now. Like, I understand I’m not neurotypical, that’s why I was there seeking help, but it’s been a while since I felt it so thoroughly after a conversation, especially when I guess I went in there hoping to come out feeling at least a little understood. Maybe he’s not a good fit, or maybe my super awesome experience with that second practitioner has skewed my expectations?
What is your relationship like with your care provider(s)? What kind do you see? How long have you been seeing them? Have you seen others? What were those relationships like?
Anything you feel like sharing after reading this will probably help me.
I’m sorry. It can be frustrating. I’ve hopped through so many care providers from either changes in insurance or moving or they retire and refer me out and then I feel like I’m starting over with someone new that doesn’t really understand me. And of course the diagnosis changes depending on the doctor’s background.
Oh that last sentence has been a fear I’ve been trying to suppress! I’m hopeful that I’ve had enough clinicians agree that it’s ADHD to make it very hard for anybody to mislabel me now, but I worry a lot about getting the classics they use to dismiss women: BPD, depression, anxiety, etc.
How have the diagnosis changes affected your life?
It’s been confusing and hard. It wasn’t until I got an ADHD diagnosis that it started making sense and was treated properly. The first 15-20 years of my adult life were simply treating depression or anxiety but never looked at the whole picture. Also being 2E my symptoms weren’t as outwardly obvious or was easier to mask them so it’s generally been an uphill battle finding a doctor who will listen with an open mind. I had good grades in school but it took me over two years to call an A/C technician. I really hope your treatment goes smoothly and you’re able to get the support you need to live an enriching life.