Like holy shit no I’m not. I wish I could film myself all day every day because I know I talk fucking strange, make weird facial expressions, walk funny, move my head weird, etc., all things I want to work on, because I know people look at me like I’m a fucking alien, because these are all things I should have smoothed out by the time I was like 13 but fucking didn’t.
I know there isn’t really anything wrong with me, but when I listen to the way I talk, see the way I behave in the wild, etc., I am exactly someone who I would be embarrassed to be around. I know that’s shitty of me, that I would be embarrassed to be around someone, but idk what to tell you.
Even when I’ve been awake for a couple days and say some fucking bizarre shit to someone they’re like “Oh no you’re fine you talk normal” NO I DON’T.
Are these people concerned about being ableist or something? Because it’s even more ableist to fucking coddle me and lie to me when I’m trying to figure out why (generally) nobody likes me.
It’s fucking difficult to criticise someones manners, doubly so if it’s stuff that isn’t rude but just “off”. Just the thing that seems “weird” is already difficult to put into words that aptly describe it, then take into account that you want to put it in polite/non-offensive terms plus an offer of a solution plus that you have your own weird quirks you are conscious about and top it all off with what seems weird to you might not even be that weird generally and you have a task that seems so difficult “just” to correct someone talking “a bit strange”. And even if you somehow were able to put into words an objectively improvable mannerism, in a way that maximises the possibilty of the other not taking it to heart emotionally speaking, what effort must it be for the other to then improve said mannerism?
vs.
“Oh no you’re fine don’t worry about it”.
From the neurotypicals perspective that’s a hell of a lot effort for both them and you for (at least what seems to them) very little gain. I don’t know how to overcome that unfortunately. Maybe ask them how they would have phrased something if they are reluctant to offer criticism. It might be easier for them to think about it in terms of what they would have done rather than how you could improve. But that’s guesswork.
Also I’d like to add that I have someone in my family who I believe has autism and behaves a bit “off”. And I would rather they make cringey but genuine remarks than the learned, almost pavlovian, responses to what I say when talking with them. I have known them for a couple years now, but never heard what they actually think.