Edit: Last night she attempted suicide. I was in the living room while she was showering. She got out of the shower, went to the bedroom, and about 10 minutes later I heard her call my name. She was holding a large handful of her medicine in one hand, and the bottle in the other. She told me she almost took it, but decided to get help instead. Suffice to say, both of us are dealing with a lot right now. She asked me not to tell anyone, but I am trying to persuade her to get mental healthcare.

So yesterday morning, while my girlfriend and I were sleeping in our new apartment, we heard some rustling at the door. This was around 8 AM or so. I heard him call out “maintenance” very faintly from the other side of the door.

I was partially awake and called out to the guy after glancing my gf’s way in a “is this guy for real?” look.

Guy apologized and left the apartment after he heard me. At the time, she said she was “glad I was there”.

I spoke to him later and he apologized profusely and said he wasn’t aware someone had moved in already. I figured that would be the end of it. No harm, no foul.

Last night, my girlfriend informed me that I didn’t handle that correctly. She said her dad would’ve been up and ready to fight the guy, and that by glancing her way I must’ve been asking her to protect me.

Despite us discussing a proposal now that we’re 2 years in, she let me know she doesn’t think I should “this year, but that she may change her mind”.

I’m honestly baffled. Was I supposed to shoot the maintenance man or something?

It has me reconsidering the relationship. One perceived mistake–that I honestly think I handled fine–and she’s putting our plans on ice.

She’s been mean leading up to this. She blames her cycle (and apologizes each time), but it’s a pretty extreme mood shift for a few days each month. So part of me wonders if these 2 things are related, and she’ll regret saying that to me. Another part wonders if I should forgive her in the first place.

What do y’all think? How big of a mess am I in?

  • popcap200
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    11 months ago

    Have you considered couples counseling?

    • magnetosphere@kbin.social
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      11 months ago

      After only being together for two years? When they’re not even engaged?

      Some relationships are worth fighting for. This doesn’t sound like one of those.

      • snooggums@kbin.social
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        11 months ago

        If you can afford it easily, it might just clear up some miscommunication or misconceptions before getting engaged.

      • Phil_in_here@lemmy.ca
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        11 months ago

        How is engagement status relevant? And how is a 2 year relationship not worth making an effort to keep?

        Would a 6 month relationship where the couple is married be worth counselling?

        I’m curious to know if you have a formula. Is marriage like a 3x relationship multiplier?

        • magnetosphere@kbin.social
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          11 months ago

          She’s holding the prospect of engagement over his head. I don’t have a “formula”; but from the way op described things, counseling wouldn’t be worth the effort.

      • popcap200
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        11 months ago

        Sure! Why not? My girlfriend and I do it when we have communication issues. We have insurance, and can easily afford the copays.

        • magnetosphere@kbin.social
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          11 months ago

          If it works for you two, great! I’m not against the idea in general. It just doesn’t seem worthwhile in OPs case.