cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/3190048
I’ve been languishing in my comfort zone. Continuing to do so will have terrible effects for me. To quote Marx, I “[have] become a monster, a huge mass of flesh and fat, and [am] barely capable of walking any more.” Ever since the pandemic started I’ve become a terminally online antisocial weirdo who barely ever leaves my room, let alone the house.
Of course, in addition to the damage this does to my personal life, it also makes me non - potentially even counter - revolutionary. As someone who wants to be a communist instead of just some internet poisoned middle class dilettante, I don’t know how I can be expected to jeopardize the comfort of my parasitic labor aristocratic class position when I can’t even get out of my comfort zone enough to go outside, eat real food, and do even the barest minimum of light exercise.
You sound very depressed. Your self-criticism can either drive you to become a better revolutionary, but it can also turn into masochistic self-destruction, where you end up wallowing in self-pity/-hatred. There are no revolutionaries driven by great feelings of self-hatred. Putting it into metaphors: Kick yourself in the ass, but don’t end up landing face-down in the dirt.
I found it helpful to turn anger into more productive feelings. E.g., I clean my place when I am mad. You might want to delete social media and games from your devices if they end up being eating your time.
There is no shame in getting a therapist if you have the means, but be careful: There are very bad therapists out there.