tl;dr: have a friend who has historically always been mad when his friends got a gf/wife. He acts like he’s 15 years old and saying “bros before hoes” still. He calls me and other friends a yuppie or breeder, and he thinks crosswalks are authoritarian so he has to always be a “rebel” and make it seem like he has the most unique viewpoint in the world. He doesn’t change anything about himself, and he’s stubbornly proud of having “no filter.” This has caused every wife/gf of his friends to not like him. He will never be invited to any kind of social event because he will say stupid shit. Like, nobody has to be a rabid commie all the fucking time. Him and my gf got into a huge fight because he always talks like an asshole, and i live with my gf, so he doesnt come to my house at all because he’ll say some shit. He still brings up this fight when im around him, and it’s like get the fuck over it. I basically don’t share anything about my life that involves my partner now, because he’ll say something fucking stupid about her. He also begins a lot of sentences with “well” or “actually” which is never helpful. He literally can’t admin when he is wrong, even about the simplest shit.
This really all seemed to get worse once I started my current long term relationship, and then it got way worse when my gf got sick of his shitty attitude and how he treats everyone like an asshole. He literally just can’t be chill at all. No leftist(or similar) should be ranting constantly about every single injustice during every single social situation. That is exhausting to be around, and there is a time and place for it, but there has to be an ability to switch that shit off.
Finding and keeping relationships requires changing yourself just a bit, and making compromises, and it’s now become apparent he isn’t capable of that.
related question: have you ever dumped a long time friend? This is all a somewhat recent change, like the past 3-4 years, and it really seems to be because im in a relationship like most of our friend group, so now he’s totally alone. Ive heard him say he’s in therapy but i have to wonder if that’s true, because it clearly isn’t working. I’m annoyed by him but I pity him too because he can’t fucking change for anybody at all.
Sounds like the dude might be on the autistic spectrum with some ADHD thrown in. These people can be toxic in this state and it’s hard to get them to move on without they themselves wanting to.
Have you ever hung out with him and “the guys” in a while? Maybe he misses the “good old days” and hasn’t realized people have changed. Doing another might push him to that conclusion himself, and it would be a good way to get him pointed in a more constructive direction. If the dude is anti authoritarian and hates modern culture, getting him to get a civil engineering degree might be the catalyst to break him out of the cycle.
If you do this, I would have at least one of y’all be prepared not to “refute” his claims but nudge him to a new discovery; if he brings up sidewalks being authoritarian say something like “oh, interesting. Have you read any of Jane Jacobs’ work? I think you’d like it.”
However, it shouldn’t be like an intervention. Try to let him have fun—have drinks, games, a bouncy castle, I dunno—and go at his pace. People like him just need a push in the right direction before they hurt people.
did that recently with another guy who has a wife and he’s just as abrasive with him.
that would require debt he can’t afford(which is understandable), plus he never follow through on anything he talks about. he’s had about 5 careers he has talked about and he never follows up on the training or anything for them.
possibly, he has said some hilariously stupid things in front of other people that made me want to disassociate.