https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24099-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-rsd
I always had this thing where randomly certain types of criticism, even small ones or ones where in hindsight it wasn’t really against me, WRECKED me. Like was all I could think about for days, where I wasn’t able to sleep that night at all, just overwhelmed with negative emotions. I still remember the overwhelming feeling of sadness and frustration I got once because I got a question marked wrong in like the 4th grade because I didn’t “show my work” properly even though I got the answer right.
When I was younger this was a fun combination, because I was undiagnosed ADHD sufferer school was a place I got a good amount of criticism. So yeah I got called a crybaby a good amount. Which of course… more criticism. Yay.
I grew out of the crying (as any man should, I was told), but never grew out of random insults hitting me as hard as if someone I love just died. There were hobbies/games/communities I adored that I quit suddenly because a single snide comment for some reason filled me with such negative emotions I couldn’t do said thing without thinking about it all the time.
But now as I just got my ADHD diagnosis and learning that RSD is a symptom that goes along with it, it makes SO MUCH SENSE, and is now something I can work with my counselors on.
But yeah, just curious if the cry baby thing was a shared experience.
In relationships, that’s a problem. Over the years, that really developed into … something. When I have a crush and daydream, I imagine how she comes onto me, and I’m like: Sorry, not interested.
Sometimes that actually happens, and it does feel great.
Even when I daydream about meeting a cute girl with a nice personality, I imagine how she likes me, so I can reject her.
The oddest thing is that I still had a couple of healthy, nice relationships, some over many years. She was always more into me than vice versa, though. And I was overall single longer than I was in relationships.
So maybe the counterpart personality exists, and that’s why it works: Longing to always having to prove herself to someone who isn’t even that attractive, just for getting a fraction of it back.