If they are resentful and want to get back at you, then, in addition to the behaviours above, they may do ‘petty’ things like:
deliberately disrespect your personal space or property (enter your room, move your things, eat your food)
unilaterally cancel shared commitments between you and them (pull out of dates without telling you, not do the dishes if it’s their night, etc.)
neglect care of things you care for (not water the plants, feed the dog)
Their motivation here is to deny you or harm things you enjoy while avoiding direct contact with you, and maintaining plausible deniability.
If the person is conflict seeking, unfortunately I don’t have much experience with people like that.
i do, professionally:
if they’re smart about it, they’ll do the same things that the resentful person will do but in a professional setting. think: snarkily critique your work publicly so that everyone can see your angered response or forgetting to invite you to team outings to make it look like you don’t care. their motivation is to likewise deny and harm what’s beneficial to you while maintaining plausible deniability, and they will likely succeed in a corporate setting unless you have EXCELLENT soft skills and are well connected within the company.
my own diagnoses was recent and i’ve been dragging my feet about doing the homework since i still have difficulty accepting the diagnosis; mostly because only a slim majority of the specialists who’ve assessed me have agreed and also because i’ve felt that my own self taught methods of coping have been serving me “well enough” over the decades anyways. i somehow still can’t shake off the surprise since i never thought i looked or acted like the stereotype and i still don’t since everyone keeps telling me that i’m not. reading responses like yours and realizing how it took me decades of trial of error to teach myself the same wisdom that you shared within a couple of seconds lays bare how much my stubbornness and internal prejudices are preventing me from learning about myself in the quickest and easiest way possible.
this is, by far, the strongest encouragement to do my homework that i’ve ever gotten and it worked; thank you.
it’s all ancient history now since i’ve taught myself how to cope and combat it through several more episodes in the ensuing decades, but thanks nonetheless and, yes, the comment was very helpful; more so than almost a decade’s worth of encouragement in talk therapy. thank you for sharing it.
i do, professionally:
if they’re smart about it, they’ll do the same things that the resentful person will do but in a professional setting. think: snarkily critique your work publicly so that everyone can see your angered response or forgetting to invite you to team outings to make it look like you don’t care. their motivation is to likewise deny and harm what’s beneficial to you while maintaining plausible deniability, and they will likely succeed in a corporate setting unless you have EXCELLENT soft skills and are well connected within the company.
my own diagnoses was recent and i’ve been dragging my feet about doing the homework since i still have difficulty accepting the diagnosis; mostly because only a slim majority of the specialists who’ve assessed me have agreed and also because i’ve felt that my own self taught methods of coping have been serving me “well enough” over the decades anyways. i somehow still can’t shake off the surprise since i never thought i looked or acted like the stereotype and i still don’t since everyone keeps telling me that i’m not. reading responses like yours and realizing how it took me decades of trial of error to teach myself the same wisdom that you shared within a couple of seconds lays bare how much my stubbornness and internal prejudices are preventing me from learning about myself in the quickest and easiest way possible.
this is, by far, the strongest encouragement to do my homework that i’ve ever gotten and it worked; thank you.
Thanks for the extra insight into the workplace behaviours, and sorry if you’ve been at the receiving end of it. I’m glad my comment could help you
it’s all ancient history now since i’ve taught myself how to cope and combat it through several more episodes in the ensuing decades, but thanks nonetheless and, yes, the comment was very helpful; more so than almost a decade’s worth of encouragement in talk therapy. thank you for sharing it.