So basically I said I just wanted space for some time. She took this as that she’s never allowed to talk to me again.
Yesterday her lover(26M), which is also a friend of mine, I’ve known for a long time, came to talk to me and told me this. He also doesn’t want to do anything with me until I start being friends with her again, because he thinks he’s standing between us.
I tried doing activities with both of them together, but somehow it always makes me miserable to see her happy with someone else.
Next week is a festival where we planned to go together and I lined everything up to see how things are going or in which direction we can move from here. For info: Another girl is also going with us I think the dynamic would change a bit. There’s also a lot of other people I know at the festival.
I feel like I should just talk to 20F, but I don’t think I will tell her anything she want’s to hear. So I don’t know if this can improve the situation in any way.
Well, frankly - you can’t handle a friendship with her. Friends are supposed to support each other’s successes and you don’t have the capacity to be genuine about it right now.
It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or weak or whatever. It’s human nature. It’s part of the risk we take when we have the capacity to love. Even when we want a friendship and understand that value, there remains an unskippable hurdle.
Go to the festival, but you should tell her honestly that you’re not ready to be friends - and it has nothing to do with her. And ask her to respect your boundaries in the interim.
Maybe in a few months or a year, you’ll be a better place to reconnect. Maybe by the time you’re ready, you’ll find your circle of friends to be more fulfilling and you don’t need her.
Time and space. You otherwise can’t heal if you’re constantly having sounds reopened.
You summed up pretty good how I feel about all this. The only thing missing is that I didn’t quite know how to tell her exactly that a friendship is not possible for me right now.