Basically being left out of the group but for life 😀
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I didn’t find out that this was caused by being autistic for most of my life so I spend the first 20 odd years of my life going completely batshit insane. It’s quite a unique hell experiencing that and having no idea what’s wrong.
I did everything right and they indicted me.
So fucking true - I never understood why people wouldn’t say what they were thinking, or why they assumed I was lying or being sarcastic or doublespeaking. I would catch so much shit over it at school or from family and when I got a diagnosis mid-20s I tried to talk about my experience of this with family. Best I could get from them was “well that’s just how things are/that’s just how I am” in response so 🤷
Just glad a bunch of my friends were/are ND as well and could actually relate & communicate
Love being told “it took me a while to understand you. You just say what you mean and don’t hide anything. It’s kinda weird. You’re too honest and it creeps me out.”
That person is no longer an associate of mine.
I’ve been told “people can change their mind” more times than I can count
Fuck me for expecting people to say what they mean, right?
I’m still coming to grips with this being part of being on the spectrum and I’ve felt this all my life. Only recently got daliagnosed.
For a long, long time, I just marked it up as me being “brutally honest” when I realized I can’t even say white lies to save people from hurt feelings or whatever. It’s a whole nother world realizing how frustrating existing has been trying to wade through what people are actually saying.
I’ve found omitting key information to be a good substitute for fabricating lies when I need to deceive.
This is actually what I’m trying to work on. My therapist is also trying to help me to not overshare being a dirty commie by answering a question with a question.
I inadvertantly told the preacher at my wife’s church that I’m reading marxist literature and then I sort of freaked a bit. My therapist said if he asks about it again in the future, to just be like “yeah, have you read anything from Marx?”
I inadvertantly to the preacher at my wife’s church that I’m reading marxist literature
Incredibly based
In my defense, I think he’s sort of left leaning as it is, scholarly, and at least well read in progressive theology. The church we go to has been going through a reformation of sorts after they realized a few years ago that women exist. They’ve always had non-conservative preachers since I’ve been around and I think they went with this guy last year when they hired him because he’s young and progressive.
At the time I said it, I felt like he might have been able to be ok with it but in hindsight, I kind of regret it. I normally tell people I “read economic theory stuff” and let them extrapolate what they will from that.
And tbf, he really is a decent person so far.
Bro saaame about always being called “brutally honest”
Like for instance someone asking what you think of their cooking. I’m a cook. So I’m gonna give my honest opinion and even point out where it can be made better or if made a mistake they might not realize is a mistake in the first place. This is what I would want someone to do if I asked the question.
But no you’re apparently supposed to just say “its really good thanks for making it!” and that just boggles my mind to no end.
Oh my fucking god. And the same person who says it’s really good will have no trouble talking about how shit it was when the person who made it isn’t around
And that person was just “being nice” not lying
But no you’re apparently supposed to just say “its really good thanks for making it!” and that just boggles my mind to no end.
What no you are gaslighting them.
I wouldn’t use the word ‘mistake’ unless I’m admitting something I’ve done was unintentional. When it’s someone else, I just point out “Most restaurants do it this way instead, because X, or Doing Y makes your dish more Z”
Right? It’s totally gaslighting what we are expected to say just out of “politeness”
But mistake and a difference of technique are two completely different things. It is mind boggling that saying something is a mistake is considered rude.
“You fucked up” vs “The pros do it differently but it reminds me of them because otherwise why would I bring it up”
This is 100% my internal monologue constantly and telling me to do bad shit to myself.
People like you more than you think. The tendency even has a name; it’s called the liking gap.
I got in the habit of nurturing that monologue to punish myself for not measuring up, as like self-punishment in order to apologize? it’s so corrosive, I can’t stop it now and it’s eating me alive 🥴
Mood. It’s so bad that even here - where I can rationally understand that I’m much more likely to find things in common with people - I feel like there’s no point in posting because the things I say have no value and people won’t like me. Lmao, it’s pathetic typing it out.
It’s not pathetic.
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Me too 😔
i just fill myself with false confidence. everyone loves me, even the people who hate me
I do the opposite and act only my truly authentic self and if anyone doesn’t like it sounds like a them problem. Pisses off almost everyone but makes finding that one person really easy. Downside being there are some people out there that REALLY don’t like me.
I’ve been told time and again how “confident” I am even though it’s not confidence, it’s an incredible degree of composure I’ve attained by working grocery while being in the worst emotional pain imaginable for years. I actually have shit self-esteem and don’t really try anything because I’m overwhelmed and I never really learned how to weather failure properly. Or rejection.
Whatever friends I do have tell me I’m odd, one told me I was “a different kind of person than i think what a lot of people expect”.
Is it my compulsive train obsession?
I think the big thing it comes down to is creating a negative connotation about being “different” in society
Like, I would be fine with being different if the collective didn’t act like that thing in and of itself would make me less worthy of having all of the good in life by default
I’m not sure if this makes sense lol
I don’t know if what I’m saying makes sense, but I feel like there’s some sort of pressure to “conform” with the general consensus and if you stray even slightly from that grain you get ostracized.
But it’s like,
NOOoooooooo I don’t wanna, so what if I like trains and random obscure things?
not having a train obsession is sus
Wow 15 minutes into browsing TikTok after seeing this post and I got it in my FYP
Yay neurodiversity TikTok
Some people are just assholes. A lot of yuppies are like this, super judgemental. They deserve to be ignored
Im like George Constanza, they dont like me at first but I end up stuck in their heads like an annoying jingle
This hit me and I don’t like it lol.
I have trouble making friends but this seem a little over the top to me.
I don’t like new people. Nobody does. How are you supposed to like someone you don’t know anything about? Friendship takes time and immediately assuming everyone hates you isn’t going to help. You’re correct, they don’t like you but you’re wrong if you assume they dislike you.
Also if you do happen to find someone who’s knee jerk reaction to meeting a new person is to hate is not a person to befriend.
I think this comment explains why making friends post-high school has never worked for me. You’re just expected to meet a random person and make some sort of connection with them right away and/or find a way to keep in contact with them
I know people who are able to do this without trying and I’m so jealous
Even worse - you make a connection with some you think is cool then you find out afterwards they’re a chud.
This is one of my biggest issues. I have a D&D friend who I’ve known for over 2 years and he’s starting to show hints of chuddery. It’s really difficult for me to ignore and it’s making me like him a lot less as a person.
But what am I supposed to do? It’s difficult just to meet strangers and for a connection to develop. Expecting they’re on the same page as you politically on top of that is almost never going to happen.
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I treat friends like interests. Generally, I have less of them than neurotypical people, but I give them way more attention and investment on average. The hard part has been finding people to reciprocate that. It’s weird to think that most people only consider 1 or 2 people friends aside from their partner if they have one. I’ve had points where I was really into D&D and had regular meaningful interactions with dozens of people in a week. And those people would regularly ask people for support or advice or assistance and we had potlucks and it was really wild. Almost everyone was visibly neurodivergent. For me, I don’t think autism inherently made me less likely to have a good support system. It’s been a societal thing. But I also don’t wanna speak for people with different support needs.
Was apart of a nation collective storytelling/role-playing group set in the Wold of Darkness ttrpg. It was called “the Accords” for those interested. Sadly no chapter in my local area anymore :(
Everyone was neurodivergent in someway. It was amazing and I had so much fun and considered each person a close friend. Group sadly had to disband when the old hats who kept track of it and knew how to run a chapter ended up moving for work.
Oof. Full circle to capitalism being destructive to people trying to build a community
Our system has a funny way of doing that to our loves doesn’t it? Almost like its inherent to the system or something but what do I know right?
Why does it have to be like this
You can all be in my group
except I don’t have a group
strongest argument for starting a group
Honestly, I remember having acquaintances in college who had friends that stayed around their place for days on end.
I remember constantly wondering if I was the weird one for having a select few people I hung out with on occasion and still can’t quite figure it out
I feel so alienated from everyone else that I despair sometimes of ever making a friend, of ever falling in love. I’m so lonely it’s killing me. Very dark thoughts lately. I don’t know what to do.
I feel less and less on the same wavelength with my old friends. I think it’s part of getting older but it still sucks. I think I’ve just let my brain wander too far out there and now I can’t come all the way back.
I went through an intensely lonely period a few years ago. I know it’s not something you can change overnight, but you have to become comfortable with being alone. That’s not too say you always will be, but you need to be your own best friend. I used to beat myself up a lot, then I started thinking that I wouldn’t talk to somebody I care about the way I talk to myself, and that’s not ok. Learn to enjoy your own company, take good care of yourself, and focus on your well-being. You’ll be ok.
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