I heard an explanation awhile ago about why you always find these homophobic Republican congressmen in the closet with the pool boy.

If you’re on the political left, homosexuality is more-or-less accepted. If you determine you’re gay, you can accept that about yourself and have those around you accept you as well (or find a group of people that will). Coming out as gay may surprise people around you, but (assuming you have the proper support system in place) you’ll be accepted for who you are.

But if you grew up as a deeply conservative fundamentalist christian? Homosexuality is an abomination. These are people who have given into a their hedonistic fantasies and live lives of sin. Sexual perverts and deviants.

So what if you’re a deeply conservative man…who’s also gay?

Well, obviously you’re not gay. Because there aren’t any intricacies or complexities to human sexuality and attraction that can make different people attracted to different things. Men are attracted to women, damn it, and that’s all there is to it. Besides, homosexuality is a sin, and you’re a deeply committed christian, so you can’t be gay. But still, you keep having those thoughts…

But that’s just the liberal gays tempting you with sin. We’ll keep passing legislation against them before their lifestyles take over America. I mean, ignore the fact that like 93% of people aren’t gay, so it can’t be that tempting of a lifestyle. Also ignore the fact that as a cisgendered heterosexual male, I personally have never once fantasized about sucking dick, but that’s beside the point. Obviously they’re tempting people because for you, that’s actually true. You constantly find yourself checking out attractive men when you go out, and you might even watch questionable videos online while your sexually frustrated wife sleeps in the next room over. The gays are obviously tempting people into their lifestyle, because you are constantly being tempted.

So you get more aggressive, give impassioned speeches on the evils of homosexuality, propose more and more discriminatory laws against them. Because it’s not just the gays you’re arguing against, you’re denying the truth about yourself.

This goes on and on until on day the truth comes out. The intern comes out that you sexually propositioned him. They find gay porn on your laptop. The true nature of your relationship with your ‘business associate’ Chuck comes to light. Everyone realizes you’re gay. Deep down, even you realize you’re gay. But you can never admit that, because the fact that you’re a conservative God-fearing christian has formed a structural cornerstone of your identity. To admit you’re gay now would mean admitting you’ve been wrong, your religion has been wrong, and your entire worldview has been wrong. So you’ll try to sweep it under the rug, say you were tempted by sin, that you’ve found God, blah blah. Your voters eat it up, because the alternative is voting for someone with a (D) next to their name.

And the sad part is just how much happier everyone would be if they could just accept this about themselves.

Then unlock it? They locked themselves in there.