It’s a psychological trick used both by hostage negotiators and con men alike to build trust and inclusitivity, and to maintain engagement of the other person in what otherwise might be a confrontational exchange where the other party would be motivated to disengage. It exploits people’s tendency to try to meet kindness with kindness.
People generally respond positively to hearing their name, and will sort of pay attention for the next few seconds to hear why they are being addressed. In a “selling it” context, using their name frequently keeps the other person engaged by making them feel involved in a conversation that might be entirely one-sided, or where their contributions are being minimized, dismissed, or rebuked. It also builds comradery through familiarity. If you are taking time to use their name and to include them, then you become a bit less threatening and perhaps even more familiar to them. Over time, it can wear down predispositions and make people reconsider that r commitment to their own goals.
Yes, it’s just as insidious as it sounds, and is a technique used by gaslighters, con men, and other abusers as much as it is by sales people, crisis negotiators and politicians. Pretty much anyone who needs to soften your opinion of their position would use it to try to draw you in and keep working on you might use it.
The only real defense is to spot it being used on you, and to assertively disengage.
Oh that explains why it makes me so uncomfortable when my coworker uses customer names over and over. She comes from a sales-oriented industry and she’s using the same techniques even though that’s not at all the kind of job she has now. I really hate people trying to sell me stuff, so apparently I’ve been feeling annoyed on other people’s behalf.
Well good thing I strongly dislike my name and it’s usage. I’ve actually have had to tell some friends specifically not to use my name. I’m impervious to being more socially connected to people!
Gotcha BugleFingers
Reminds me of this Mitchell & Webb sketch (warning for strong language)
Spot it, use the same technique and double down on your opinions. Deliberately become rigid and take the exact opposite position from the person you’re talking with. It’ll gradually annoy and frustrate them.
The key is awareness. Once you’re aware, you can take more control of the situation.
Idk about apologists or whatever, but…
Saying someone’s name frequently helps build trust. It’s a thing people do in the sales/management/business field too.
Could also just be a non-manipulative thing. But who knows what’s genuine.
I manage people. Whenever I’m complementing someone on their work or thanking them for something, I try to always use their name to show that I really mean it and that I value them.
I don’t know if it works, but it’s a small thing to help go that extra distance.
I say the names of my closest friends very often, and almost never those of other people. I like to think it helps people who are around to remember how my friends are called, so that they are more likely to engage with us in the future
If somebody uses my name a lot, I instantly distrust them. I find it creepy. Every time they use my name it’s like they’re dipping their cock in my drink, it’s not a normal way to speak, it requires effort, people that do this are disingenuous and slimy.
It’s a conversation technique. Like, in debate or psychology or something. It’s intended to get in your head. If a person employs it then… that says something about them.
It’s often said that people like to hear their own name, so once you know someones name, if you want them to like you, use their name frequently when addressing them.
But I mean, when you’re apologizing for a violent death cult, I guess it helps to use as many cheap psychological tricks as you can to justify all the fucking abuse, gaslighting, and hate.
Joke’s on them, I hate the sound of my name.
Repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake.
Speaking as a guy who often gets lost in a conversation and can’t think of what to do or say, personality mirroring is my goto. It makes conversations easy. Just copy them. Gotten positive results.
also, about the handshake. So you just hold the guy’s hand until he gets uncomfortable a pulls away? I haven’t tried that.
It’s from an episode of The Office, and it only works in the short term for Andy Bernard.
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It’s a psychological trick to get on your good side. Don’t give religious people any of your personal information, chances are they want to kill you.
yup, a cheap trick right out of ‘how to win friends and influence people’ or ‘how to start a cult’ (actual book).
To be patronizing.
When I first meet someone I try to say their name repeatedly to help remember it.
And I’ve never apologized for being christian…
/throws molotov
BORTLES!
Ah, the classic Mendoza solution.
