In the near future
18

–Hello, Pizza Hut?

–No sir. Google pizzeria.

–Ah, excuse me… I dialed wrong…

–No sir, he scored well. Google bought the Pizza Hut chain.

–Ah, well… then write down my request, please…

–As usual?

–And how do you know what I ask for?

–According to your street and your apartment number and the last 12 times you ordered a large Neapolitan with ham.

Yes, I want that…

–May I suggest a pizza without salt, with ricotta, broccoli and dried tomato?

–Nope! I hate vegetables.

–Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

–And how do you know?

–We crossed data with the IMSS and we have the results of his last 7 blood tests. Here it comes to me that your triglycerides have a value of 180 mg/DL and your LDL is…

–Enough, enough! I want the Neapolitan! I take my medicine!

–Sorry, sir, but according to our database you don’t take it regularly. The last box of Lipitor of 30 tablets that you bought at Farmacias Similares was last December 2 at 3:26 p.m.

–But I bought more in another pharmacy!

–The data of your credit card purchases do not prove it.

–I paid in cash, I have another source of income!

–Your last income statement does not prove it. We don’t want you to have problems with the SAT, sir…

–I do not want anything now!

–Sorry, sir, we just want to help you.

–Help me? I’m sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Instagram! I’m going to an island without internet, cable or cell phone!

–I understand, sir, but here it appears that your passport has expired 5 months ago.

-We’re sorry sir, no such island exists. Bozos and Musky bought up all remaining territories. You’re free to pretend that you’re free though, at least until they come around with the brain chips.

And even that is likely much more benign than reality

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