So today I am wearing heels. Not like pumps or anything, just shoes with heels. If anything, they look a bit like pirate shoes with a heel of 3-4 cm. But they make the sound that heels do when you walk in them. And you also have to have a bit of a stride when you walk in order to not look weird.
Anyway, I walked to work today, through the city. When I approached men, they suddenly seemed to drop everything and look around, probably expecting a woman in heels to pass them. But then they saw me. No big deal, right? Honest mistake.
However, some men decided it was necessary to call slurs at me. Gayboy, f*ggot, said I was not a man etc. All for wearing tiny heels. I’m a 185cm long hetero guy, it’s not as if I look defenseless or anything. But they still feel the need to do that. I just yelled back at them to shut the fuck up fucking wankers, and if they have a problem I’ll kick them with my heels on.
But it made me think what non hetero guys or women deal with on a daily basis. Why can’t they act normal?
What’s wild is that a) heels were invented by and for men and b) many men’s dress shoes still have heels.
Anyway, as far as going out in public. I can literally not remember the last time I didn’t get catcalls. I don’t get slurs as often anymore (used to get them most days), because I “pass” more now, though when I do get slurs instead of the f-slur, I get the t-slur now, or called a freak, a pervert, a pedo. But that means usually instead of slurs I get btch, whre, sl*t when I refuse to engage with strange men yelling for my attention.
Men follow me. They follow me right to my doorstep, yelling for attention. They call me stuck up, ask why I don’t want a man. If I’m with my wife, I get d*ke.
I get shouts from out of cars. Sometimes the car circles back around shouts more. A couple times cars have followed me while yelling from the window. Once it was a cop, and he stayed right alongside me for three blocks.
I get told that I must be dtf because of what I wear. I get told that I look like something that would be really hot to have in bed. I’ve been asked how much to buy me.
I have learned long since that this is the better option than trying to politely engage. If you politely engage you have now, apparently, agreed to whatever comes next.
I’ve been followed into bathrooms, into stores, down random streets.
There have been months I have refused to leave the house altogether, and years where I refused to leave alone. It’s fucking trash.
It’s not always men who give me shit, but when women do it is generally a snide comment, a cruel remark, a disgusted look, or (my favourite) a pointed refusal to acknowledge I exist, just shoving me off the sidewalk as they pass. At the very least, it’s not scary. I have been assaulted by women, insulted by women, demeaned by women.
But it is the constant aggressive entitlement to me and my body, to control over my self and my actions and my presentation, the belief that because they desire me (or are disgusted by me, though those feelings are often deeply entwined) that I must therefor be who I am for them that makes being out around strange men absolutely fucking exhausting.
I’ll leave this whole thing off on a funny little moment. Once I was out in a skirt and fishnets, and a man at a red light watched me walk down the sidewalk. I passed his car, and the light turned green, but he was so focused on me he didn’t notice. The car behind him honked, and he was visibly startled, hit the gas, still staring at me; he totally swerved off the road into a light-pole. No one was harmed, not even his car, but I went home that day and got to tell my wife that I caused a traffic accident just by wearing a skirt.
New transition goals just dropped: cause a road traffic collision by being that 🔥
It’s sad and beyond infuriating reading this, I don’t know how you manage to cope with some of this 🫂
My worst one to date is nowhere near as bad but I meltdown whenever I get toilet policed now because of it.
“That’s the mens love, where you going?”
It’s okay honestly…
“No its not, thats the mens, womens is over there!”
I know thanks…
At this point I’m starting to tear up as I’m that embarrassed since the whole pub was looking.
He realised and then apologised but omg I’ve never felt so humiliated in public.
Thing is you use the women’s and if they realise you’re trans they will go absolutely spare, but if you use the mens like they apparently want they still stop you and embarrass you in front of whoever is nearby.
The sad truth is they don’t want trans people to be in public at all, so they’d rather you didn’t feel comfortable using any bathroom.
My all-time top transition moment was my da (haven’t spoken in many years) looking right at me from two feet away and not recognising me at all. Got to stroll right by, it was fucking beautiful
Transition: passed with distinction 💯
Hopefully I can have a similar experience with old friends I cut out my life for their raging bigotry. That would be nice 😊
if you use the mens like they apparently want they still stop you and embarrass you in front of whoever is nearby.
there’s an even worse possibility when going to a men’s bathroom than just getting embarrassed
I’m well aware but what am I supposed to do on terf Island? I feel like every trip in public is a tightrope walk of not triggering others because if I make one step out of line I’m getting assaulted.
Do you ever fear getting falsely accused of assault? then maybe your case makes it up on the news and your story gets used for anti-trans stuff then it snowballs and suddenly being trans becomes illegal in the uk? small probability of happening but it sometimes scares me
Accusations of assault or perversion is why i don’t use any bathroom other than men’s. It’s my own safety mechanism so that I have an escape if someone tries to go spare. I only wear androgynous clothing in public as well to avoid abuse atm.
Terf island is a special case of fuckery, but honestly the vast majority of people in bathrooms are just looking to take a piss and get out. Cis women use the men’s all the time no problem, honestly it is often the safest choice. The stalls are usually available too, since most men use the urinal.
Absolutely bullshit how much this whole bathroom thing (pioneered in the 90s by ecofascists by the way) has become such a major talking point. No one ever gave a shit before. The only statistically significant assault that happens in bathrooms is cis women assaulting trans and other cis women in an effort to “prove” they’re trans.
So yeah, avoiding cis ladies in the washroom looking to leverage their tears as weapons is absolutely the move. Guys like…generally do not give a shit who is in the bathroom, so long as you don’t point it out when they inevitably leave without washing their hands.
I will continue with my plan then as it sounds like otherwise I’ll get sexually assaulted by a fucking terf!!
I only wear androgynous clothing in public as well to avoid abuse atm.
Same, It’s the reason I don’t go outside often, I don’t feel like “I” is going out
Also, I just realized that most public bathrooms in Algeria are gender neutral (sort of) because except for schools and maybe some establishments, most public bathrooms I’ve seen are like several (or one) small rooms that connect to what’s outside of the bathroom and have a toilet and a sink. so, it doesn’t need to be gendered.
That’s really cool that a majority are gender neutral.
“Don’t feel like “I” is going out.” Ooof I get that vibe.
Man that sounds absolutely wild. Many women and LGBTQ+ people I know seem to deal with this as well.
I dress flamboyantly from time to time and get called names for it by random people. But mainly because of how I look I don’t ever feel threatened or something. Just annoyed or mad.
Can’t imagine having to deal with all that shit just for existing. Fucking people man.
Jesus fucking christ what country are you from
It’s genuinely scary when you get slurs shouted at you in the street. Like your stomach just dies and you feel so scared but in a sick, sad way.
Like why would anyone hate me for just existing? They don’t even know me.
Really fucks you up.
Yeah I can imagine. It’s just so weird as well. Why would you do this? What benefit do you get from this man? Just live your life in a normal way by respecting others.
I think a part of it is fear. Fear that changing social norms and in this case fashion will reflect back to these bigots like people are going to force them into heels or some stupid assumption. Like the existence of others somehow erases the status quo these shit stains enjoy and benefit from.
The rest is just ignorant cruel bigotry.
Well if they look around at the sound of heels it should be telling enough
Stab
Good for you for wearing what you want and telling those guys off. Can’t wrap my head around why anyone would give a single fuck what someone else is wearing.
I did my makeup and wore a dress and heels and such to a party for the first time last weekend and it was super fun, I wanna do it again lol. If only it were easier to find a cute pair of heels in size 13 mens.
“If only it were easier to find a cute pair of heels in size 13 mens.” Relatable, but at least my feet aren’t that big.
That’s the normal for them
Unrelated but I keep seeing your username and it’s amazing and I just wanted to say so 🥰
Thank you 🤗
😊
