Beyond the polite “Hey, how’s it going”. Close enough to hang out at each other’s apartment, maybe even ask them to water your plants or feed your pet while you’re away.
My wife (then gf) and I moved in to the current apartment when we were ~25 (we are now almost 30). We made little notes introducing ourselves for all the neighbours, and one couple responded by bringing us a bottle of wine as a gift. We ended up friends with them, playing board games, video games, D&D, and the occasional party. We dont hang out consistently, but its nice to have friends in the building.
Usually just greet or have short smalltalks and be on my way, but it’s nice to have a good relationship with 1-2 neighbors to help each other water plants, receive parcels and so on.
About five years ago a new neighbor moved in downstairs and put a note up with her number saying who she is and that she is happy to get to know her new neighbors. Unusually forward but cool, so I wrote her and we met. We became running buddies, she sometimes took care of my dog, I helped out with handiwork, or we just hung out together and talked. She moved out a year later but we are still very good friends to this day.
In my current apartment I unfortunately don’t know anyone. The only neighbor I had a good relationship with is gone and the others keep to themselves.
Eh, kinda. Not really friends though, more like I have a few neighbours who I’m comfortable having as barely acquaintances.
There’s the lady across the hall who occasionally brings my parcels/post up and I do the same for her.
Protein shake bro, who lives next door and has a loud blender. I’ve not actually met him but am deeply comforted by his shake making regularity.
The chubby Brazilians, the couple who sometimes take parcels for me when couriers insist on banging on the wrong door, and I’ve done the same for them too a few times.
The lady with the inverse door number to mine, we swapped numbers at one point but only ever text about recieving each others Amazon parcels. She stole my pasta maker during the pandemic though, so I lost her number. I see her on her balcony sometimes and used to hope she texted me so I could be like “no pasta maker. who dis?” but alas.
Aside from this (and tbh actually, including one or two) there’s a lot of crackheads, mentally disturbed, and domestically violent in my building, so it’s not really somewhere I’m comfortable being known by or inviting neighbours into my flat.
You could write a sitcom about all your neighbours
Why is this aimed at ~30yo in particular?
Growing up, my parents and grandparents had the same neighbours for decades, even in apartment buildings. Of course they knew and talked to each other frequently. Hanging out in each others’ apartments also happened on occasion, drinking some pálinka and listening to the radio. My dad used to go down to the ground floor to watch the evening news and story time at the superintendent’s apartment along with the other children in the building. The only person who had TV in their commie block.
This already changed a bit in the late 80s / early 90s when I was growing up. People started moving around or dying. Out of the city to live in burbs. Or just left for another country. My dad was also less jovial with people as he couldn’t stand stupid, so he often drove neighbours he disliked away.
Once I grew up, I moved into the apartment of my late grandparents. I still talked to my direct neighbour on a weekly basis, but by this time most everyone else died or moved away. Also I had to introduce my girlfriend now wife to my neighbour at least monthly due to her… seemingly selective dementia.
I’m in my forties now, and both at this and my previous apartment I’ve made sure to always say hi to neighbours. Oddly at the current place, the thirty something year old neighbours approached me first, stating they do some sort of communal hippy living here. They seemed friendly but then also moved away within a year or so.
I directed it at ~30 year olds because I’m ~30 years old and wondering if a lot of other people of the same age feel the same. It tends to be more of the elderly that try to get to know you better
Seems anecdotal!
It’s certainly hard to get to know your neighbours in a glass box in the sky.
Why bother? I will be moving in a year because the rent will go up.
Personally I love to bake, so when I first moved into my current apartment I made a bunch of small coffee cakes and just cold knocked on the doors of all my neighbors one evening. Some folks weren’t home, but for the people I did meet it broke the ice and set us up to chat more when we ran into each other in the hall. And I was lucky enough to even make 3 good friends who I trade pet/plant care and favors with!
This exercise also quickly identified some people that I would not be friends with and that was valuable too.
How often do folk accept your cakes? Have many new neighbours come by offering you baked goods too? Have you met folk who won’t accept your baked goods? Is it awkward?
Sorry for all the questions! This is only something I’ve ever seen done in tv and films and I’m so curious.
I’ve thought about doing this myself a few times and ended up coming to the conclusions that as I just don’t trust the hygiene or humanity of strangers enough to be comfortable with consuming food offered like this, and so it would also not be right for me to bake for strangers by assuming they should trust me and my hygiene and humanity, either.
Have you ever had neighbouring folk offer you baked goods that made you sick? Or that in hindsight once you learnt more about them and/or saw their homes, you regret eating the food they gave you?
No one rejected them! Although I can’t confirm whether everyone ate them lol. None of my neighbors reciprocate with baked goods, so can’t comment on that, but I am satisfied with the trade even just for good will for me and my barky dog.
But I can confirm that I have baked for years, and have passed out enough goods around the building that no one has cause to mistrust me. I definitely wouldn’t have gone this route if I wasn’t a competent baker.
Typically, not friends. I’ll greet them and make small talk.
I walk my dog multiple times a day at similar hours and other neighbors do as well. So I’ll run into the same people regularly. We’ll talk a little bit. Sometimes I’ll talk a few minutes, sometimes it’s just a greeting.
I have asked on two occasions in 3 years for a neighbor to take out the dog. So generally no, but it has happened
The dog owners are a big reason I thought about this more. Like you said, it’s usually at similar hours everyday so I’ll run into a few pretty regularly. They usually seem like they’re in a rush to get their walk done so I don’t want to bog them down with small talk, and at the same time I don’t know if I’m just being awkward by not engaging with them more.
my tip is just to greet people loudly with a smile. say good morning, talk about weather, whatever
i’ve found that most people will do as you say. just try and look away and go about their day. some people can even look mean with a face that is not inviting at all.
but if you say hi in a friendly way one day, they look at you surprised a mutter something back.
the next time you see them, they have a smile on their face and they greet you more warmly.
really this is the thing about human connection. someone has to bridge that gap. and it’s not hard to do
This is true. It’s because people are generally on auto pilot and don’t want to risk awkward conversations. But if you can make the initial contact a positive one, they will warm up quickly. Unless it’s a girl and she thinks you are trying to hit on her, then she may starting to take another route.
No, everyone in my building is loud and obnoxious. A lot of vandals here and the kind of people I don’t trust to even leave my laundry in the laundry room.
I live in a small building with few units. My neighbors and I get along great, although they’re much more eager to socialize than I am. I don’t really mind, but still.
Do you find people are less social as the size of the building increases?
I’ve only lived in one apartment my whole life, but I wouldn’t be surprised. Less need to interact means less interaction.
ive tried but they don’t seem particularly interested
I always try to make friends with my neighbours, with varying results. Most of my neighbours I’ve met have been nice, I think most people are. Some people are just shy though. And some are just miserable assholes.
If I didn’t have two dogs and social norms dictating so.
I very much wouldn’t. I’m glad the directest neighbour is never there.When I first moved in to my apartment, I became friends with one neighbor because I could hear him coughing through the wall and asked to buy some weed off him one day. He would occasionally ask me to take care of his dog when he was out of town. He has since moved and a nice old lady moved in. On the other side of my apartment is a special needs adult with care workers constantly coming and going, so not so much making friends anymore.
Varies person by person. Some I’m not particularly interested in, some seem satisfied with a head nod. I don’t force it.
I do have neighbors I ask to water plants. Usually, I ask a neighbor if I can pay their 8-12 year old kid to do it. Lots of parents like the opportunity for their preteens to own some responsibility. I’m also among the neighbors that goes out after a snow to clear off walkways and cars for the elderly neighbors; that contact tells me which other neighbors are into the local community.
I’ve been in one super tight knit neighborhood where we did actual community things. Like I setup a little outdoor movie night in the common lawn and hosted a popcorn melodrama. I had the projector, audio, and movie. A couple other parents brought tons of popcorn. Everyone brought chairs and blankets to sit on. The kiddos had a riot eating it and throwing it at the villain on screen. That condo neighborhood is the gold standard I hold in my mind and compare all others I’ve lived in to.
i didn’t talk much to the people at my last place but i’m going to make an effort now that i’ve moved. seems like a good safety net to have in case something happens.
