The Jesus Christ of the New Testament was a dark skinned communist who belabored loving and helping immigrants to his followers, whipped the greedy, and informed them they would go to hell if they didn’t stop being selfish fucks.
If the Jesus of the new Testament both existed and returned, the “Christian” right would be first in line to kill him again so they could get back to worshipping this guy:
I think it would be hilarious if Christianity turned out to be true and the rapture really happens, but they’re the ones all left behind and even atheists get to go up. They’re minds would explode LMFAO
The Jesus of the Bible also believed the Kingdom of God would be a literal Kingdom that would arise within the lifetimes of his followers.
That is what happens when you actually read the Bible literally, instead of metaphorically.
Also, I forget which Gospel it is, but one of them features a zombie apocalypse of the dead rising out of their graves when Jesus dies on the cross.
Also, more to your original theme: Jesus was fucking homeless for his adult ministry.
He and his followers just stayed at random people’s places who were sympathetic to his movement.
He did not have a steady job, he was not a productive member of society and he certainly did not have a nuclear family.
If Jesus was here today, he’d be shunned, starved, imprisoned, likely become a drug addict and die on the streets, and this would be by design and with approval of many of his most outspoken followers today
I’m more than a little convinced that if Jesus walks the earth today, he is really into EDM and you’re only really coming across him on the festival circuit.
but one of them features a zombie apocalypse of the dead rising out of their graves when Jesus dies on the cross.
Matthew. I am not sure exactly what the author was thinking at the time. It does align with what a minority of Jews believed would happen (Ezekiel hints at it) as well as Paul’s letters so I want to say he invented it to align but it almost feels like he got it from the oral tradition.
He did not have a steady job, he was not a productive member of society and he certainly did not have a nuclear family.
I almost feel bad for mentioning this because it is minority view but I think Paul had a conception of him as a Nazar from birth, like Samson. As you said he is living this sexless, unproductive life, wandering around, barefoot, telling people that the Lord will provide. It could also explain the incident at the temple. From what we can tell Paul knew something hostile happened there but not what exactly. Nazarsbl were required to give an offering to end their lifestyle and at the same time the Temple almost always turned them away as insincere.
So Paul thinks the orders of events are something like this:
Jesus is a born Nazar He goes around until he feels his tasks are completed. Shows up to the temple with his followers. Temple says no way, get out. His followers convince the Temple. They let him into the first gate. Satan sees defeat so gets involved and starts a brawl. Infests Pilot and Pharisees. He gets crucified. Satan thinks he has won. Turns out God disagrees and accepts the perfect sacrifice. And since the ending the Nazar oath was a forgiveness offering it all works out nicely, Jesus gets everyone forgiven.
As a counter point Jesus would have also said “What on earth is a ‘government program’?”
They had them at the time.
Obviously. I am an atheist today because I went to Catholic school where I had to read the bible. Nothing makes better atheists than those who actually read the bible.
Isaac Asimov famously said “Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.”
Mark Twain:
It ain’t the parts of the bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it’s the parts I can understand.
Its not that they don’t read it. They only read the self serving parts of it. They ignore the parts that they don’t agree with. This of course makes them false christians. They focus on the ten commandants but ignore the slavery and outright barbarism in the rest of the old testament. For the majority of false american christians its the pick and choose part of the bible. They also ignore the teaching of Jesus in the new testament. The parts that tell them to be tolerant, to not cast the first stone are reinterpreted to to take offense at anything that someone else does that they do not like. All their hate and all their hang ups are their own but they use their version of the bible to support their hate and intolerance. None of them ever question how god seems to always want what they want. Destruction.
They only read the self serving parts of it.
Of the King James version.
And then they don’t read King James’ other books, like Daemonologie, “a philosophical dissertation on contemporary necromancy and the historical relationships between the various methods of divination used from ancient black magic.” https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daemonologie
duh
At least KJV is in the public domain unlike many other translations.
Oh, it’s not so that they don’t read it. It’s rather that …
While I agree with your sentiment, the problem with the Bible is that it doesn’t contain democracy. It only really has examples of god ordained despots. So one can “follow the Bible” and have results that are wack.
Israel was supposed to still be loyal to King David even though he was a liar, murderer and adulterer. Jesus has the opportunity to tell people to reject Caesar but instead choose to more or less tell them to let Caesar be Caesar and keep whatever is God’s separate. It was tacit acknowledgment that sometimes you have to obey evil rulers. (St Paul carries this on in Romans)
So obviously that was necessary in first century Judea. The problem is that’s the only scenario the new testament deals with.
Add to that that all Jesus’ ethics are person based, without a single word of what a government should or shouldn’t do. Minus all the common sense tradition amalgamated in Europe over 1600 years, and you have the religious right of America.
Those kids would be very upset if they could read
And Thank you for using this version of the meme template.
As someone who unfortunately has had contact with such people, I can assure you that the most extreme of them read their Bibles (KJV ONLY!) every day. For these fundamentalists the Bible is literally their laws, and so extensive knowledge of scriptures becomes a core part of how they exert power over each other and maintain their social hierarchies.
They pick and choose which parts they want to follow and ignore. They interpret things how they wish to support their worldviews.
Of course. They fit the pattern of Yeshua’s own characterization of the Pharisees perfectly. Just read Matthew chapter 23 and replace “Pharisee” with “Fundamentalist”.
Or don’t. There’s countless better ways to spend time.
You know? You’re right! I’m currently enjoying my friend’s birthday party. I will not read it. This is much better. I hope you’ve also enjoyed your weekend so far, friend! ❤️
I was raised by these people. We read the Bible every day, and the family had weekly study sessions where we would all read a portion together and discuss it. We definitely went through the entire thing.
The problem is not that they don’t read the Bible. The problem is that they have developed an obscurantist interpretational framework which allows them to ignore the plain meaning of the text and twist it to conform with their ideology.
Completely agree, very well said. I remember feeling agitated that someone I knew, like that, had interpreted at least one verse from the sermon on the mount to make it mean the exact opposite of what it was saying. Wish I could remember which line.
They don’t read the Bible. They quote parts of it to suit their needs, the hypocrite fucks.
Usury is banned in the Bible, but it’s essentially what the US runs on.
Hell, based on the Bible no Karen should ever quote the Bible in an attempt to teach someone.
1 Timothy 12 “I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet."
Mixing fabric? That’s a stoning. (And not the good kind.)
“Extensive knowledge of scripture” don’t make me laugh
My favorite is when you point out all the shit from their Bible, they don’t follow, and they hit you with “oh that’s from the old testament, and Jesus did away with all of that.”
I’m also always amused at the concept of a perfect infallible being not getting it right the first time and having to push out the revised new testament.
“oh that’s from the old testament, and Jesus did away with all of that.”
Except for the one little verse that says gay people are bad. That part of the Old Testament still applies somehow because reasons.
I’m also always amused at the concept of a perfect infallible being not getting it right the first time and having to push out the revised new testament.
I think the intended idea here is that God is guiding humanity like a parent raises their children and you need different rules for different stages of development, but that would mean growth and change are actually good things and the Fundies really don’t like that.
That part of the Old Testament still applies somehow because reasons.
That’s because Romans 1 also says gay sex is bad
Yeah they don’t even get that part right. Paul got rid of the OT rules, but he grandfathered in ones he liked.
Every time I see a Red Lobster I really just want to get a good stoning in.
Which is funny in the saddest way. Imagine if they applied that time and effort to literally anything true or real or verifiable.
Or if they actually applied the teaching of Jesus to their peoples and didn’t use it as a carrot and stick for the poor to give them money.
They seem to have it read to them by their pastor/Minister/whatever and just memorize what they’ve been told.
They own Bibles, but only open them to quote what they’ve been told already.
All the stuff in-between is just filler.
Just like school. They just cheat off of others.
I mean duh, they’re descended from the intellectual reflex that believed translating the book and receiving mass in your own language were sins.
Of course they don’t read the book, they believe only their priest can read it “right”, and they probably look at accusations they don’t read the book with confusion over “Well of course not! Don’t tell me you anarchist lunatics are reading it yourselves!”
Most haven’t. Many have. Most of those that have just cherry pick the parts they care about.
The remainder that have read and understood it just compartmentalize the cognitive dissonance. They ignore that the being they profess their undying love for was an unemployed, unmarried vagrant that wandered around with his buddies, that spread philosophy and free food and medical care to strangers, that spoke out many times against the rich, the performatively religious, bigots, opportunists, violence, and retribution, that encouraged one to live a minimalist life, to humble yourself before your sick, poor, and foreign brother, to wash the feet of sinners, and that was an activist whose chosen forms of protest included flipping tables and chasing money changers from a temple with a whip. But no, I’m sure he wanted you to make sure gay people don’t get married, or whatever.
Some do, but they all end up with “i’m an atheist now” podcasts
It still bothers me that I don’t have the same story other people have. Reading and studying the Bible didn’t deconvert me.
I love how the good liars would tell christian right wing book banners about a book that contains a story about 3 daughters who got their father drunk and had sex with him and they’d ask them if the book should be banned.
They have a grifter to interpret it for them. They read curated selections. It is useful to know certain passages. For example, 1 Timothy 2:12 is useful for shutting down a female proselytizing.
a female?
If someone is proselytizing, I see them as less than human.
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Reading the Hitchhiker’s Guide before the Bible really helped me understand how much fantasy is written in. Reading the Bible is what made me an atheist
For a second there, I visualized The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Bible.
Some of them read the Bible, never read the news. They just listen to what they community says. If everyone you know and trust says president Jimmy bean is the most fantastic Christian devout president ever why would you question it?
I mean they already don’t possess much critical thinking skills at that point, at least in this kind of context.
